You Might Be a Dairyman If...

1. you dont remember the last time you showered before work

2. you get home at night and find syringes in your pocket

3. you laugh when your friends complain about having to work on a saturday

4. you have ever accidentely or non-accidentely medicated yourself with animal grade drugs

5. you have experienced a wet tail to the face before breakfast

6. you have experienced a wet tail to the mouth before breakfast

7. you have seen a dog eat a week old placenta

8. you have drank milk straight out of the bulk tank

9. you know that all calves have no will to live

10. every pair of pants you own has a tit dip stain on them

11. you agree that the 5 gallon bucket is one of the greatest devices ever invented

12. all beef cows look fat to you

13. you have ever said "good enough for a barn" while working on your house

14. you have ever combined pajamas and rubber boots to do midnight calf checks

15. you own a pair of insulated coveralls/bibs and they are usually crusty

16. you've ever broken an olympic track and field record running away from a bull

17. you have dehorned calves and carried the smell with you for the rest of the day

18. when a city friend grimmaces about the smell of a dairy you are passing on the road you have said "smells like money"

19. you have ever witnessed a cow nearly killing herself trying to jump over, under, out of or into something

20. you have had to use some type of power tool to extract said cow from said situation

21. you cant eat cottage cheese cuz it reminds you too much of mastitis

22. you have ever been shoulder deep in a cow (either hole)

23. you have ever had a bolus/ magnet spit on you

24. you know the value of a mid-afternoon nap

25. you have ever taken said nap in a barn

26. you wake up at chore time even when on vacation

27. you have ever used milkhouse chemicals to clean your bathroom

28. you can accuratley weigh a cow with your eyes and be within 50 pounds

29. you can back a shit spreader up with your eyes closed

30. you have ever pulled a shit spreader with your pickup, through town

31. the smell of corn silage is one of the best smells in the world to you

32. your biggest fear in the world is milking a treated cow into the tank

33. you can name at least five antibiotics and their milk withholds off the top of your head

34. you dont know what to do with a day off

35. you like most cows better than most people

36. A 'vacation' is a week off to take cows to the fair

We had a version of this up at John Deere Days down at KC Canary's today. And I found this one on facebook. Any one who knows me well knows that at least 32 of these apply to me. I have found syringes in my pockets, along with hoof picks, clipper blades, baling twine, and various other interesting items. I've also put syringes through the wash...recently. And I have a pair of jeans that used to be black, but know have multiple off white colored spots from milking cows with a clorox based dip.

Here are some more from a site that my Mom found.

If you know the price of milk per hundred weight but not by the gallon.

If the medicine cabinet contains a container of Bag Balm.

If you've ever gotten an award for fat (and were proud of it).

If your idea of a power lunch is a sandwich on a tractor.

If your idea of a neighborhood watch is someone calling you to let you know your heifers are out.

If you have more than a dozen cats.

If your idea of overnite delivery is pulling a calf at three in the morning.

If you can remember the name of every cow on your farm but the names of your children elude you.

If manure is a dinner table topic.

If your backyard ends at an electric fence.