Thursday, December 17, 2009

This is...

An old one that has been swapped around for years. A friend of mine going all the way back to the days of Dairy Quiz Bowl and Judging emailed it to me the other day. It never fails to bring a bit of a smile to my face. And what with the cold and economy and everything else that is going on these days, a small smile is a big thing.

You know you’re an American dairyman/dairywoman if:

1. you don't remember the last time you showered before work
2. you get home at night and find syringes in your pocket
3. you laugh when your friends complain about having to work on a Saturday
4. you have ever accidentally or non-accidentally medicated yourself with animal grade drugs
5. you have experienced a wet tail to the face before breakfast
6. you have experienced a wet tail to the mouth before breakfast
7. you have seen a dog eat a week old placenta
8. you have drank milk straight out of the bulk tank
9. you know that all calves have no will to live
10. every pair of pants you own has a tit dip stain on them
11. you agree that the 5 gallon bucket is one of the greatest devices ever invented
12. all beef cows look fat to you
13. you have ever said "good enough for a barn" while working on your house
14. you have ever combined pajamas and rubber boots to do midnight calf checks
15. you own a pair of insulated coveralls/bibs and they are usually crusty
16. you've ever broken an Olympic track and field record running away from a bull
17. you have dehorned calves and carried the smell with you for the rest of the day
18. when a city friend grimaces about the smell of a dairy you are passing on the road you have said "smells like money"
19. you have ever witnessed a cow nearly killing herself trying to jump over, under, out of or into something
20. you have had to use some type of power tool to extract said cow from said situation
21. you cant eat cottage cheese cuz it reminds you too much of mastitis
22. you have ever been shoulder deep in a cow (either hole)
23. you have ever had a bolus/ magnet spit on you
24. you know the value of a mid-afternoon nap
25. you have ever taken said nap in a barn
26. you wake up at chore time even when on vacation
27. you have ever used milkhouse chemicals to clean your bathroom
28. you can accurately weigh a cow with your eyes and be within 50 pounds
29. you can back a shit spreader up with your eyes closed
30. you have ever pulled a shit spreader with your pickup, through town
31. the smell of corn silage is one of the best smells in the world to you
32. your biggest fear in the world is milking a treated cow into the tank
33. you can name at least five antibiotics and their milk withholds off the top of your head
34. you don't know what to do with a day off
35. putting in a new barn cleaner chain changed your life
36. your car smells like baby poo but you are totally oblivious
37. you have ever shot a cow point blank in the face
38. you wish you could replace the cow in #37 with a member of peta
39. you own more syringes and needles than a heroin addict but you recycle them anyway
40. you are better than mcgiver when your milking equipment breaks down during milking
41. Caramel pudding reminds you of calf scours
42. you have ever used a cattle trailer to move your personal belongings or somebody else's
43. you mention a dam and people think that you're swearing

2 comments:

Tapsalteerie said...

While we do not have a big dairy, we do have a whole other farm load of animals... many things on this list definitely apply... hysterical!

Jim Fisher said...

I guess we cattle ranch like Dairy Folk, because we came from one. All of our ranching freinds look at us like we are crazy. Well we may be, but the list fits. Would it be ok to copy this list. I may have to add if you used d rings to stitch up a prolap.